le moineau de chagrin..

A fit.

carilee — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:17:26 +0000

So I have some goodies, things I slightly want…but they’re just pretty things for you to see.

MoMA Feature: Destination Seoul

MoMa Notebooks

Moma Playset

MoMa Playset

Rose and Radish

Flensted Swallow MobilePostalco NotebooksNotebooks

Lundi: The air is weak, I can hardly breathe.

carilee — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:53:38 +0000

It’s been an interesting few weeks.

Made some commitments and praying I get things completed by this weekend. Monday I had the best coffee/meeting, I haven’t vibed with anyone like that in awhile…at least on the heart issues kind of stuff, I left feeling uplifted. Had an awful experience that took a good day to recover from, pride and all…and when I say awful I mean the kind of awful people never see me react to. Once again I am here early at work and this routine doesn’t seem to have a break in sight. Samia had a photo shoot for her portfolio/website on Sunday and it went marvelously, I am so proud of her. It was a fun day. Went and dropped by a family event with Lani and then headed to another Superbowl party which in reality was more like a sit-around-the-bonfire night for me. When I finally reached my comfy bed I couldn’t help but tally up comments in my head, in reality I took a bit of a hit I think. So in the glimmering moments of it being a very great day, inwardly it was a very hard weekend. Exhausting perhaps. But at least, at least…I kept a smiling.

Mardi: You took the time

carilee — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 14:20:45 +0000

John 1-3.

Either step into the light or run into the comfortable darkness.

The sweetened whisper that I know
Comes to me when I have a restless heart
Fainter than a passing glance yet stops me where I stand
Waiting for just one more look from you

Your love is not like mine

Turn me around
Show me how to love profoundly
I want everything you are, everything you are
Turn me around
Even when I cannot see
I want everything you are, everything you are

The deepest longing that I know
Comes to me when I am awaiting you
No greater love could you have shown and who could know the cost
How far you go to seek and save the lost

Your love is not like mine

Turn me around
Show me how to love profoundly
I want everything you are, everything you are
Turn me around
Even when I cannot see
I want everything you are, everything you are

I only want to see your face
-Chris Taylor

Someone took the time yesterday-I am grateful.

Vendredi, oui? : I was a loon

carilee — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:13:08 +0000

Oh it’s Friday, and it is freezing. I did not want to get out of bed this morning as my alarm bleeped at 6:30am, burning it’s flashing red l.e.d’s into my eyes. Last night, I went to sleep early and had the intention to wake up and watch The Office, but I slept right through the night. New book: Why Men Hate Going to Chuch…I’ll have it done by the weekend’s conclusion. Finger’s crossed for a low key weekend of laziness, movies and maybe a day kayaking…if it’s not cold.

Monday: Birthday party #1. Kobe’s has the potential to be a very awkward social disaster with strangers.”this is how you tell a secret…no not like that!” ”this is a drewsefer!” Who want’s to see elephants walking to their imprisonment? not meeeee. ”that child is the spawn of satan” “water is good” “my name is sami..sami..sami..” “I won the race!” “no, you both were running in different directions”

Tuesday: Fellowshipone overload. “we really should have a code word…triangle” Birthday party #2. ” I can’t commit to what’s going on in that room” Smell of Wendy’s in the car. ”shock and awe.shock and awe baby.” Pretty Sarah.

Wednesday: “garb garb garb garbity garb” Day of laughing and sarcasm. Fellowship One re-overload. Youth announcement. Gator’s and conversation.

Thursday: Lunch with Sarah. Leaving work on time and going home to sleep all night instead of a fluffy hurley show. ”Drench..soak..collide!”

______________________________

The universe is the mirror in which we can contemplate only what we have learned to know in ourselves.

Lunes: I haven’t smiled this much in so long

carilee — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 13:24:34 +0000

Friday- I went to work, worked. Then decided to spend the night at home just relaxing and catching up on some needed sleep and watching of tv..Everyone Hates Chris was all I watched really.

Saturday- I slept in and then sat outside on the boat all day, I went through shifts of turning the radio on then off depending on where I was in my thoughts. I just sat, watched, and thought. Then went to downtown Sanford early evening to walk around and just looked into shop windows. I was looking for something but I wasn’t sure what, I didn’t find it though-so life. I teared up outside one of my favourite antique stores. I looked through the window at the empty rooms, it was like it never existed. I put my hand on the door and said a sweet goodbye, goodbye to all the treasures I’d never find, goodbye to the ice cream I’d no longer enjoy there, goodbye to the lovely woman who always remembered my name and what I had previous acquired from her store. Soon all of the stores will be gone, pushed out by the increased rent hike to that area. After this moment I glared at Washburn across the street for awhile, angry that stores of this kind are replacing my friends…but a few minutes of that and I was soon inside the store poking around and flipping price tags. Bored I made my way to Austin’s in hope to meet Samia there, as I opened the door the smell brought a lot of memories rushing back. I stood there for awhile before I smiled at the barista and took a seat grabbing the Vogue Living magazine. I sipped on chai until Samia arrived and we chatted. Later walked around Winter Park, ate Pita Pit, Ice Cream, watched fountain races, looked at the bright moon, found a pretty shop, found a sitting place, got wet with duckies with wonderful friends.

Sunday-Church was simply amazing. I wish I could explain but there was just FREEDOM. Had coffee, eek! Did so much laundry. Journal-ed and danced to a new CD. Went to Drake’s and waited for midnight..happy birthday Drew! Tropic Thunder wasn’t as funny as I hoped but the night definitely was.

______________________________________

To sum up this last week I think I’d say..stop and listen, stop and watch, stop and see the details of things you’ve never noticed before.

“The aspects of things that are most important for us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity. (One is unable to notice somthing-because it is always been before one’s eyes.)”-Ludwig Wittgenstein

Jeudi: great is your name…

carilee — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:50:31 +0000

Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deepy; practice playing second fiddle. Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody. Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging” says God. “I’ll take care of it.” Romans 12:9-19 Msg

***

No time to keep up with things. But things are ever changing. A brand new year with exciting possibilities waiting to be grasped.

Was last year marked by events, books read, coffee shops, friends, places? No. Last year was marked by God’s goodness and his simply grace that pulled me closer to Him than ever before. A year marked with a warming peace to all my troubles, A year that was complicated yet so carefree with Him. My memories of last year are of Him, and I am not thankful for how I’ve changed or grown…I am thankful for who I am in Him.

***

Christmas was beautfiul, Melia was beautiful.

***

I have alot of fun this first half of the year, my Dad is getting married in July. One of my best friends is getting married in May. I couldn’t be happier. Nicole (youth girl from australia) is coming this month and I can’t wait to see her. Melia will be out here in May. I have a cruise in July. Should I go to Miami? Anyways..babble.

chrissy

carilee — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 21:09:11 +0000

Alright so I’m on my way to a christmas dinner and in rainy traffic so I going to write something real quick. First, thank god for this trip it was so needed. Besides a little dancing..well maybe a lot of dancing, been shopping and had my first experience in h&m. Caught up with college friends, and felt especially loved and encouraged that the last two years I have accomplished so much and more importantly kept my spirit well..in tack. We took some adventures and drove up the curviest roads into the mountains, I trip when we finally got out of the car and blamed it on altitude sickness. It is so beautiful here I feel like such a kid staring out the window making noises..I can now see why ppl don’t think florida is that great. Also I’m thankful for just getting some head space, being able to realize some things. I talked to a friend let’s call her Hani, before I left I said I needed to find my crazy free self again..life has been serious for awhile and no one really brings it out of me..and this trip to visit that one person who does has really paid off, I feel like me again. I’m passing by hills right now and drinking a coke..perfection, except for melias singing lost. Ha, well tomor we are off on more adventures and soon I will come home. Merry chrissy

Lundi: I am in need of sleep.

carilee — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:37:49 +0000

This century could well go down in history, not so much as a century of progress, but as the century of superficiality-The Quotable Billy Graham

We are a generation that is publicly enthused about God, but privately lacking-My hero, Robert Fergusson

Four days.

Four magnificent days till I head west.

I feel like I’ve been fighting the enslaving of conformity.

I find myself searching once again for what is genuine, what is deeper than the surface.

I know it’s there. In you, in me.

I am tired of my blank stare in conversations about boys and girls, fashion, and music, and the outward.

I watch people performing. I watch people projecting themselves.

Slaving.

_________________________________________

A conversation I had with someone recently..

I think you were meant for more. Actually, I know you are meant for more. Life isn’t suppose to be about this, about waiting for a relationship or a person so then it all can happen and all come together. God created a relationship within himself, then relationship with us..so it is natural that we desire relationship and we desire to create. But aren’t we putting the cart before the horse? We focus on having that relationship with a person instead of with God. I think of all my friends and the effort, energy, passion they put into thinking or chasing a certain boy or girl and I just can’t help but wonder if they chase after God with the same intensity. I mean, He created us and we do such injustice to the relationship he calls us into. God breathed life into you and I, he breathed incredible plans and purposes in those moments..and I don’t think a single one has to do with whether you are going to be married or not. It’s so much greater than all that. And honestly until we are in such right relationship with God can we truly, truly be in right relationship with another person. Until we are so knit with him we will never love a person like he loves us, we will never love a person the god-way. All the time and energy it takes worrying about this, takes our eyes..our focus off of Him. There are things to be done. And it’s just choosing if you want to be focused on him. I think you were made for more than all of this, what you have been living. I think you know it too. That there is something inside of you desiring more out of life than what has been presented. I don’t even think there are examples around of how God wants to use you. Marriage and dating are all great things about life, but it is not the means to the end…they are merely enhancers of the beautiful life you are meant to live. I could be wrong. I just look at you and I know there is so much more inside of you. I know God has been trying to get your attention for a while now. Paul emphasises to the church of Ephesus, he prayed that they would be able to comprehend “what is the width and length and depth and height of the love of Christ” Not the love for Christ, but the love of Christ. I believe it’s not just the pursuing of this relationship but the revelation of His love for us. The result of knowing His love was the church being “filled with the fullness of God” Isn’t that what’s been missing? The fullness of God in your life? I think it’s time to strip away the things that have been distracting you. Everything inside of you is right at the brim waiting to spill over, what’s stopping you? I can see your potential..it’s there.

Mardi: It’s been cold for three days straight.

carilee — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:59:14 +0000

In non-sequential order..

Dad started his business/Trying to get stuff done/scooter tracking begins/cinnamon buns waking me up/early thanksgiving weekend/taters/wedding plans/not seeing Matt Costa and not eating BBQ-but laughing heaps/Girls night out??/Car ride to Mount Dora with Z&T/singing Ryan started the fire in my head while staring into a fire smiling like a creep/Conor Oberst/Lani and PitaPit and long talks/Au Revour Simone/The Postmarks/Jenn Sapp preaching/pink cupcakes/the Shack/missing Sarah/missing status and loving it/black blanket and peach tea/obnoxious phone ring/buying chrissy ticket to LA!/learning lots about people/sharpies/knowing it all/screaming “Rules of the road!!!!” in the car with Lani/new helmet for bicycle but refusing to wear it/rides up to the marina for soup/gossip girls/grinch of christmas/terrorizing ducks-twice/secretsssss/white keds muddied up after hike in wekiva/just living it up/film for camera/running and scissor kicking/watching/ohhh meyers briggs/lunches more frequent with persons never expected/hilarious texts from Heather/Chopin/windows down-cold air

Mercredi: I could change my mind tomorrow.

carilee — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:04:20 +0000

“All my failings surely would have drowned me, still you made a way. You are my freedom. Jesus you’re the reason.”

I filled out my application for college at 7am this morning, tomorrow I’m sending it in..where did this come from? Good bloody question.

Started this morning off with worship in Staff meeting. It was phenomenal. Just been listening to the same all day on my ipod. Jentzen Franklin’s worship team.

Yesterday..Lunch with Lani which was fun. Austin’s Coffee last night. Awful rap. Subjected to movies later.

Do you remember when you were a kid? Did things turn out like you thought?